DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
