I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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