i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
