And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
