your room smells of hookers.
And success
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
