Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
