Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
