Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
