I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
