just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
