Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
