Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
