You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He shit in the fireplace
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