you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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