So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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