in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
