everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
