I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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