dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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