no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
