i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
