so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
