I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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