my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
