After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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