Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
