he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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