I wanna bring you to show and tell
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
