did you get engaged???
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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