He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
