I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
