i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
