I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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