I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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