Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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