Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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