tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
