Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need water and some morals
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
