Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
