I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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