Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
