I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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