I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Bring me that man meat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think I just sharted jello shots
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