Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
