So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
