He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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