Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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