Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
