i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
