There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
